It’s that time of year. when the air gets colder, the nights get longer and everything is 40% off at Urban Outfitters. When festive lights are hung, trees are trimmed and ironic beards are grown. So pour yourself some hot cocoa, bake some cookies and put on your best Lumineers record… It’s time for a Hipster Christmas, Charlie Brown.
Pinocchio
Teens can be so cruel, sometimes. It all comes from insecurities….But to be totally honest, Rudolph had it coming. Prancing around with his fancy nose like he’s better than us. Who do you think you are, Rudolph? Oh, you can fly? Big deal!!! I have opposable thumbs…Put Rudolph in his place with this festive T. Click on pic to buy.
Santa Crawls
Just like everyone else, Santa had to learn how to crawl before he could… magically fit down your chimney with billions of present, in a sac, over his shoulder. But one thing is for sure, even at that age, he was leaving little presents for you to find. Get someone on your Christmas list a cute onesie with a creepy yet adorable pic of a baby Santa with an adult head. Here comes Santa Crawls….. Also available in adult sized t-shirts. Click the pic to buy.
Christmas Hard
If you have any discerning taste whatsoever, you recognize that Die Hard is a Christmas movie. No, it doesn’t have magical flying reindeer, or talking snowmen or human sized elves but it does have explosions, broken class and cocaine…. all the ingredients for a holiday classic. Pay respect to this holiday movie with a mediocrely designed t-shirt. Yippie Ki Yay… Merry Christmas.
Home alone is 30
It’s hard to believe that 30 years ago today Kevin McCallister went to the store…. and came back with just the essentials. Pay tribute to the best line in this holiday classic by wearing it on your chest. Click pic to buy.
Magnum Che I
His face has been printed on millions of t-shirts all throughout the world, but what face would Che Guevara wear on his t-shirt…. Magnum F’ing P.I., that’s who. No man has ever harnessed all the planet’s sex quite like Magnum did. Hawaiian shirts, short shorts and a crisp Detroit Tigers hat was all he needed to make you weak in the loins…. right Che? This “all over print” graphic tee comes in a ton of colors. Click the pic to order one today.
Four Seasons (Landscaping)
Funniest/saddest thing that could have ever happened. Straight out of an episode of VEEP. Now you can wear the shirt that says…. I need a place I can hold a press conference telling the world I will not concede the election AND some 5 star landscaping. If you haven’t heard, the Trump campaign meant to book the Four Seasons hotel in Philly for a press conference but instead accidentally booked the Four Seasons Total Landscaping instead. You can’t write this…. well, I just did. Click the pic to buy a T-shirt.
Flush 2020
Dear lord… between Trump, racism, wild fires, Covid and me starting to respect Justin Bieber’s art… can we just flush this year down the toilet. Join me in your disgust for this shitty year by sporting a t-shirt with a toilet and some poop in the shape of numbers on it. You know you want to. Click pic to buy.
Will You Shut Up, Man
The first presidential debate was anything but. Whining and yelling and lying… and that was just the moderator. With nothing left to lose, exhausted and annoyed, Joey B said what everyone in the country was thinking…. Amazingly, it seemed tame in the mist of all the garbage that was being spewed, but it cut right to the point. Now, you too, can tell Donald Trump to “Shut Up” with this simple yet elegant t-shirt. Click the pic and buy a piece of history. Proceeds will go to the Biden/Harris campaign.
Showtime (Because Of Pat)
In honor of one of my favorite people, Pat Driscoll’s 40th birthday, I had to post maybe the single funniest performance by anyone I know. This whole thing was improvised and completely real and Pat’s performance created magic out of thin air, totally making this video work. He just has that type of energy, timing and talent. Even though he has the age of a 40 year old man, he still has the height of a 4 year old child. Happy birthday, pal.
